If you are reading this and know me, the odds are that you know that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I am a lot of other things but this is the identity I try and cling to.
At this point I have been a Christian long enough that I have passed through the high that follows truly accepting Christ. The honeymoon phase is over and Jesus and I have hit some bumps and also settled into some comfortable routines together. There have been some difficult times (see last March’s post about longing) where any sort of high disappeared and following felt more costly than joy filled. But we weathered through this dark season and now I can see that it burned away layers of my heart that needed to burn.
Currently, we are out of the woods and settling back into something that feels safe, warm and familiar. The safety of this place is filled with warm fuzzy feelings. I actually have a very vivid mental picture of this place which includes a fire crackling in a room filled with blankets, books, tea and loved ones. Last March I felt like I was out in the cold, nose pressed up against the foggy glass of the window without a way to get into this room.
Now, I am inside, and, honestly, it is wonderful.
I am sure that there will be a time again when I get locked out of the room and can’t seem to find my way back inside.
Like any relationship, there are always really sweet periods and then dry ones. Quite honestly, there were a few melodramatic moments filled with some despair where I felt like I would never feel the same sort of joy with Jesus as I had previously.
But after praying and talking to others about it, I decided that even if the feeling never came back, I would still follow. I can see now that was one of those pivotal life moments that God totally honored.
The fickleness of the human heart pushes and pulls us to and from truth, requiring a mental commitment instead of just a faith based upon feeling.
Sometimes, I wish that churches would offer some sort of premarital type course on becoming a Christian when you enter the engagement period of faith. I feel like more people need to be told that this relationship with the Creator of the Universe is not always going to be easy and that even if it feels bad it does not mean that it is bad or that He is not there.
Relationships can be hard but they also can be so, so good and life filling. If you feel like you are on the outside, stuck in the cold, please keep clinging. Don’t turn back. I can promise that the feeling does not last forever but that the relationship will and before you know it a deeper joy than you can ever imagine will return.
A type of joy that results when both parties have tasted the cost, yet keep choosing each other.
Chose even when the feelings don’t follow. The door will swing open again and you will be sitting inside next to the fire soon enough.
This, I can promise.
