Dating Dos for Women

Oh, dating. What a roller coaster! My almost 26 years of dating experience, certainly do not make me an expert but I have learned some things (often the hard way). The following are things that I have learned: 

1) Trust your gut. 
Easier said than done. But I think the majority of us, almost immediately know when we have an uneasy feeling about someone. So much time can be saved from just trusting those initial feelings. 

2) Ask questions about your own deal breakers early. 
Do you have some specific things you know you want in your potential partner? Make sure to ask those questions early on before getting too emotionally involved. I always ask whether the other person has ever been married, because I know that, for me, that is something I have chosen as a "deal breaker." These deal breakers are very personal. But its important to recognize them and be upfront about them early on, out of respect for yourself and the other person. 

3) Say thank you. 
Guys definitely have it worse in the area of dating. I am really thankful that I am not a guy here. It must be so scary to constantly have to put yourself out there and ask girls out on dates, all the while possibly setting yourself up for rejection. Always, always be gracious and kind. Never embarrass him or make him feel like he is "creepy" for asking you out. Err on the side of being too kind. Honest and straight forward but gracious. No matter what the date is, (unless there has been like zero effort put into it) say thank you for what he planned for you. Humility is key. You are not too good to say thank you. 

4) Use your time wisely. 
If you clearly know that this is not going anywhere long term (marriage) then kindly let him know that. Even if you think that its leaning more towards not being marriage potential, then your time is too precious to settle just because something is familiar. "Above all else guard your heart..." One way we can do this is by protecting our time. 

5) Give him space to pursue you. 
One of the major benefits of being a woman is that we get to respond to a man's pursuit. But that means that HE is the one doing the pursuing. Let him figure out how to talk to you. Let him plan dates. Give him space to call you. Settle into the truth that God is ultimately in control of every aspect of your life. Let God move his heart and if it does not happen, then there is a reason and it is good. But once he does pursue you, respond to it if you are interested.  

6) Be honest. 
We are all adults here, right? Do not just start ignoring his phone calls. Do not try to lightly "phase him out." We are called to sometimes have uncomfortable, honest straightforward conversations. KINDLY, graciously and HUMBLY tell him that you are not interested, if that is the case. I think men end up respecting that way more than all of a sudden having zero clue why you are no longer responding. A really good sign of maturity is whether he handles not getting what he may want at that moment well. And if he does not, then that's a great growing experience. No need to tip toe around truth. 

7) Involve others. 
Mentors are so good here. Seek out their wisdom. My mentor, Sarah, has been able to open my eyes to things I was totally blind to in the realm of dating. My family has also been so wise and helpful, even when it sometimes did not feel great...! Other people can help alert you to unhealthy situations or encourage you in your relationship with that person. Mentors who know you really well can tell you when your emotions are not based on truth and help you love the other person better. 

8) Pray. 
Pray for discernment and guidance. Pray for God to guide and protect your heart. Pray that God would be continually preparing your heart for your husband and pray for your husband. Pray for the person you are dating and that you would be able to serve and love him well. Pray continuously. The heart is a funny thing, and God so uniquely equips our hearts for a certain person and not others. Pray with thankfulness when you are head over heels in love, because those emotions are such a good gift from Him. 

Free Make Up Tutorials

Getting your make-up done can be so good and can also go SO wrong. Makeup artists can leave you looking like a baby prostitute. I literally never know what I am about to get myself into in those situations. 

But friends, I am about to share with you my literal obsession and probably the best discovery I have ever come across.... Adela at the Sephora in Water Tower Place, literally did the most amazing job ever. 

AND she is free. AND she gives free makeup tutorials. I can hardly express to you my excitement here. The above pic is right after she did my make up. Nothing too crazy, totally natural and she listened to me at every step. 

Stop in and see if she can offer you some suggestions or sign up for one of her classes. The woman is a magician. 

Five Favorite Little Joys from this Week

1) Matt McCoy Band Recording a new worship album. This past week Matt recorded the back up vocals for his new worship album from INDYCC. We went  and helped out a little bit which was totally fun and a new experience because I am not  exactly the most talented singer in the world....! It was so much fun to see the dedication and hard work that Matt puts into creating songs that glorify God. There is really nothing more attractive than a man who loves to put God  and others first and himself second. Every time I see college girls fawning over Matt I love how sweet it is but also think, man they really do not get it. He is so cute but the most attractive part about him is his humble servant leader heart. Looks fade but the heart remains. Seeing the way he uses his gift to point others to the awesomeness of Jesus is just the best. I cannot wait for the new release of these songs. They are such a blessing. 

^^ such joyful faces and my slightly confused one! 

^^ Umm, isn't he just the coolest?! Love this picture of Matt taken this year at INDYCC and how he so humbly leads college students into moments of worship. God uses humble hearts in such big ways. 

2) Jeremy Riddle – Stand In Awe 

This song has been on repeat in my apartment for the past two weeks. Can.not.stop.listening. Can't stop. Won't stop. 

3) Love this article by Donald Miller. 

I found myself super convicted about making sure this space is a space that is not manufactured but filled with truth. Often, the manufactured is more beautiful than the real but our hearts long for connection more than perfection. Love this quote, "Impressing people is not the same as connecting with them." Whoa. 

4) Um this coat?! 

Seriously, just fell in love. SO fun. Will instantly make you warm and look super cool. 

5) Weekend birthday. Loved getting the chance to spend this weekend celebrating the birth of my old small group leader Anastasia with Matt. 

^^ Just.the.best. 

Things to Do for Valentine's Day (Date Night)

I LOVE Valentine's Day. Probably an abnormal amount... but nothing is better than getting the chance to wear lots of pink, send cute sparkly cards, eat chocolate, buy flowers, and celebrate love. Plus I love the fact that everything is kind of dark and depressing in February and in the midst of that dark month you get this beautiful romantic holiday to break up the monotony of all of it.  Although it is not even February yet, restaurants book up for Valentine's Day far in advance so it is always safe to think ahead. 

1. Go Ice Skating at the Ribbon on Millennium Park. Get hot chocolate and hold hands. Bring dinner from the Soup Box for slight picnic feel or grab breakfast for dinner at Wildberry (only open for breakfast or lunch) across the street. 

2. Dinner at a romantic, cozy restaurant. The following restaurants are dimly lit and warm- perfect for Valentine's Day. Italian is always a good romantic bet. 

• Le Colonial 
• Ralph Lauren Restaurant
• A Tavola 
• RM Champagne Salon 
• Rose Angelis 
• The City Winery
• Le Creperie 
• The Boarding House 
• Sapori Trattoria
• Lula Cafe 

3. Stop by for Drinks or Dessert 

• Drumbar 
• Soho House 
• D.O.C. Wine Bar 
• Bar Pastoral (for cheese instead of dessert) 
• Mindy's Hot Chocolate 
• Celeste 
• RM Champagne Salon 

4. Create your own dessert [bar] crawl. Spend the night going from one dessert place to the other getting a different dessert at each spot. The crawl could be cupcake themed (ie stop by MORE Cupcakes, Sprinkles, Magnolia Bakery, Molly's Cupcake, Sweet Mandy B's, and just little bakeries along the way). The crawl could also be ice cream themed where you go to Bobtail's Ice Cream and then Jeni's in Southport. Or candy themed where you start at Dylan's Candy Bar and then go to Chiradellis and Hershey's, etc. Or donut themed.. etc. you get the idea. If you need some help and want someone to plan the crawl for you, check out the Great Chicago Food Tours. 

5. Take a Cooking Class at the Chopping Block. 

6. Go to a Concert. 
Remember Rainer Maria? Well they will be in Chicago ON Valentine's Day at Lincoln Hall. Tickets are $20. Also on February 13th, Marc Broussard will be playing at the The City Winery. 

7. Romantic Movie Marathon. Make gourmet popcorn (think truffle oil, rosemary, lots of fun seasonings), order carry out (... good carry out) and watch obviously 1) The Notebook, 2) The Vow, 3) Gone with the Wind. 

8. Get Pedicures Together. ... so I know this one may be slightly controversial, BUT it is ok for a man to get a pedicure as long as there is no nail polish wearing and no manicures! It's just a slightly indulgent fun treat to enjoy together. Plus men like pedicures more than they would like to admit...  

9. Spend a Night Out in Lake Geneva. Stay in Lake Geneva for a little fun weekend getaway and explore the town in the end of winter for a slightly different feel away from the city. 

Black Boots

This past weekend was unusually warm for January in Chicago. (and when I say warm, I mean like 40 degrees...) Although, it is so far away from ice-cream weather, it still got me in the mood, because who are we kidding all weather is ice-cream weather! Bob Tail in Lakeview is such a fun spot to get ice-cream or hot chocolate and just hang out. 

^^ My winter jacket is probably my favorite thing in the world because it is 1) warm and 2) warm. You can find it at (where else) Artizia. 

^^ Love, love this necklace from Stella & Dot. 

^^ These boots are probably my favorite gift from all Christmas because they are perfect to wear to work and can instantly dress up any outfit. All women need a good pair of heeled black boots. I wear them all the time. 

^^ sweater is from Abercrombie & Fitch (because even though I am an adult, their clothes are still adorable and affordable) exact one unavailable online but very similar here. 

Four Books to Read

Growing up as a child we were never allowed to watch TV, so I became a ferocious reader. Being an introvert, there are so many times when I would just rather read than head out on the town. Books change the way you think, see the world and how you speak. I love words and am so deeply moved by really good writing. 

Over the past couple months I have read the following books which I highly recommend: 

1) Bittersweet, By Shauna Niequist
Oh man. Where to begin? Shauna writes about a faith filled life and God's movement within her life without being too like "HEY Guys! I am writing about God now!" Like all people who really know God is real and with them, she does not have to constantly remind you. This book just oozes with the essence of God. I cried. I stayed up all night reading because I could not stop. I read the chapter "Twenty-Five" right after I turned 25 and felt like I was reading a note from God, words that spoke directly to me at the moment I needed to hear them. This book leaves you thankful for those tough seasons of life, deeply touched by the beauty and growth in painful moments. Gah. I wish I could go back in time and re-read it again for the first time. So good. Just do yourself a favor and read every book by Shauna Niequist. 

2) Jesus Is, by Judah Smith
My favorite preacher. Judah Smith is such a gifted communicator who knows how to make you laugh and then moves you to tears in the next moment. Jesus Is tells stories about Jesus, reminding you about the reality of grace in a world where it is easier to believe that God's grace is too good to be true. After reading this book, you feel more joy filled and hopeful, overwhelmed by the reality of who Jesus Is. Judah Smith bursts with joy in a world filled with too many burdened, depressed Christians. 

3) Love Does, by Bob Goff 

Confession- I did not read this in the past couple of months. BUT, this book deserves to be on every list of books to read. While reading it there were moments when I wondered whether Bob Goff was the fourth member of the Trinity because he seemed to just so totally get and embody the essence of our faith. If you knew me while I was reading this book, I am sorry. I could not stop talking about it. It was a life changer. Love Does smashes any boundaries you might have placed upon your life. It ignited something deep within my heart and gave me a bigger vision for my life than I had ever thought was possible. Bob Goff encourages you to live with whimsy. Whimsy, full of romance, full of generosity, full of love and what matters. I spoke with him on the phone once and he is the real deal. I will never forget it. 

4) When Life is Hard, By James Macdonald. 
I hope you aren't going through a tough season of life, but if you are then this book will give you hope and a purpose for the pain. The truth in this book allowed me to sit back and rename the tough seasons in my life. It showered them with hope. I highly suggest. 

... I realize all of these books would fall under the Christian category, but that's what happens when you really love something, you can not stop thinking about it and want to know more and more... 

Little Joy- Hats

This starts a new series about the small things in the every day that bring little joys. So naturally, I first thought about my weakness for wearing hats. They are the one thing I always want to buy even though I have a million that I do not get to wear enough. Hats are so wonderful for a couple of reasons 1) because it is freezing in Chicago and you generally need to wear one, 2) they hide a bad hair day, and 3) they add a different something to any outfit and can be so fun. Plus girls generally look adorable in them and it's just an easy accessory that adds style. Bottom line- this will probably not be the last post that I do about hats in some fashion... 

Black brimmed hat found here. Simple everyday beanie found here. Fun leopard print option that I wear all the time. Love the idea of this big panama hat. 

More from Inside Salvage One

The event space at Salvage One is unreal. It is everything you could ever want and more for a venue filled with character. The Chicago sign shown above is a part of the outdoor space of Salvage One which would be beautiful in the summer or fall. My deep-rooted, born and bred Chicago self loves anything filled with some Chicago pride. 

^^ Shoes from TJ Maxx. Scarf and black tights from H&M. 

^^ The wedding space

^^ West Loop sunsets, love the natural light and huge windows in the space 

^^ Some of the old furniture that is being redone 

Salvage One

This past weekend Beth from russetwire.com and I went to Salvage One for a little outing. Salvage One is an antique furniture store room that doubles as the most gorgeous event space you will ever see. The venue is huge and full of character. The space is about three levels and is the perfect place for a wedding. Besides weddings it is an ideal spot for exploring with a friend.

Dress from Artizia. Another cute option. Scarf from H & M, unavailable online. More pictures from Salvage One up tomorrow. 

Things I Learned in 2014

A lot can happen in a year. A lot happened in my 2014. 

I graduated from law school. Took the Bar Exam. Passed the Bar Exam. Entered the adult working world. Fell earth shatteringly in love.

I learned so much in one year. The following are three things that God taught me in 2014:

1) He is working all things together for my good.  

The other day my Tumblr account alerted me to the fact that it was the 3 year anniversary of its beginning. I laughed because... oh my ....  I have come sooo far. Three years ago my only creative outlet was my Tumblr, and .... honestly it was the best part of my day. Fast forward to this year. I started Wonder & Awe and then redid and relaunched it. I learned that things do not just happen to you, you have to make them happen. God does not bless inaction. I love that my dreams have grown so much bigger. I love that God is working within humble beginnings and creative nudgings. I am so excited to see what He will do a year from now.

I also learned that this applies in the realm of relationships. I honestly started to think that my heart was hard and that I was just not capable of being head over heels in love. Then, God laughed in my face and brought me a man I felt like I had known my entire life. A man that is perfect in every way for my heart. Someone who is everything more than I could have ever dreamed of. It is something that I could never manufacture, something that is only created by and through the grace of God. God has been within all those tough moments, shaping me and my heart. To finally see the fruit of that work is just so good. 

He is there, working and it is for my good. Lesson learned. 

2) Where God guides, He provides. 

I learned that God is faithful to provide when He guides you somewhere. I finished law school and kept my scholarship all three years. I will never forget the moment that I got the letter telling me that I had kept my scholarship all three years. The work to stay in the top of class to maintain the scholarship was done. All those anxiety-filled sleepless nights, stressing about whether I could do it flashed before my eyes. He had protected and guided me throughout. The feeling of truly knowing that God has been walking with me was surreal. I fell to my knees and wept. 

He was faithful to provide the opportunity and I was so doubtful. I learned that He is truly a provider. He guided me to law school. He provided at every turn. 

O ye of little faith. Lesson learned. 

3) Gratitude is everything. 

I had amazing moment after amazing moment in 2014. Everything I had worked for my entire life all came together. Everything was so good. I got to reap the fruit of hard work and it was so good. However, I learned that it's not when everything is really good that you are joy filled. Making the extra effort to stop, pause, look around at the people and moments in my life to thank God for the them has changed everything for me. 

This year was the year that I started making a conscious effort to stop, think about the amazing things that were happening in my life and say thank you. Everything can fly by so quickly. 

I learned to to step back and soak in moments, taking mental snap shots of the people and joy in my life. I allowed myself to get really emotionally overwhelmed with gratitude for the good. 

Diving into the joy of now. Lesson learned. 

All About the Blonde

There is nothing I love more than getting my hair highlighted. Literally. Very few things get better than that (all you blonde girls know what I am talking about). And God only knows that when you find a good hair colorist, you do not let her go. I have been getting my hair highlighted for most of my life (since I was 13) and hair colorists can be so good and so, so bad. There is nothing more frustrating than telling a hair colorist that you want to be "very, very blonde" and then walking out looking like you never even walked in and dropped more than a $100 bucks to look basically the exact same. 

BUT,  if you are looking for an AMAZING colorist in Chicago, you must see Aurora out of Mario Tricoci in Bloomingdales on Michigan Avenue. She is completely amazing. She will never leave you unsatisfied and totally understands how blondes want to look actually blonde. I seriously cannot recommend her enough. 

Happy highlighting! 

Full Circle

About five years ago, a girl I liked invited me to the Cru Indianapolis Winter Conference. I was in college and questioning faith. She told me that there was this week long conference attended by CRU students across the Midwest filled with speakers and worship. Her eyes lit up when she told me that, “worshiping in the New Year was the best thing ever.”

 I could not think of anything worse. 

There was no way that I was going to be with a bunch of what I thought were “crazy Cru people” for a week. Especially not on New Years!  However, I really liked this girl and we were friends. For that alone, I remember honestly considering it, because, if for nothing else, it would give me a week to hang out with her. 

I ended up not going and probably dancing in the New Year at some bar wearing heels and a sparkly dress. 

Fast forward, give or take five years later, I found myself at Cru Indianapolis Winter Conference worshipping in the New Year with a bunch of “crazy” amazing Cru people. 

The serendipity of the whole situation was not lost on me. At various moments throughout the week, I could hardly breathe, completely taken back by how far God has brought me in five years. He brought me full circle in such a beautiful act of graciousness.  Five years ago, you could not have dragged me to a Christian Conference over New Year’s Eve and here I was willingly and joyfully choosing to spend my New Year’s in worship. I spent most of my time there emotionally overwhelmed by God’s hand on my life and so thankful that he gave me a chance to reflect back on His pursuit.

I think it is really easy to believe without actually “believing.” Meaning, you can believe Jesus is Savior but spend most days forgetting that He is real. He is moving. He is close to you and me. He is actively involved in our lives. 

New Year’s Eve reminded me just how real and actively moving Jesus is. 

The New Year always ushers in moments where we can create vision for what we want God to do within the coming year.  All I know right now is that I want to be all in for the next year and for every year after that.  I want to look back on my life in the next five years, blinking back tears at the miracles God has worked within my heart. I want my chest to feel tight consumed by so much emotion at how far He and I have grown together.  I want to go deeper and farther with Him than I ever thought was possible. 

 I want to love girls out in bars dancing on tables in sparkly dresses really well. I want more full circle moments.