Eyes Wide Open

"But this much I have learned- 

if not enough else- 

to live with my eyes open."- Mary Oliver

Only one week until the big day. So! So! So! Much! Excitement going on over here. For this final week my prayer is that my eyes would be wide open to take in every single moment, every single change, every new memory, every smile, every feeling, every hope and every up and down that lies ahead. It is going to be a sacred week full of lifelong memories and I want to be fully open to receive them. I want the memories burned into my mind and heart so that when life turns hard I can always revisit this sweet time. I am going to lean into every emotion, dismiss nothing, feel all the feelings - ridiculously and fully. This is not a time for efficiency or to move quickly past moments. I will lean in with eyes wide eyed fully open. 

All Photos by Jill Devries Photography. 

My Little Space

Guys. I move out of my little bachelorette pad soon. I can't even breathe thinking about how good God has been to me during the past three years there. To say that I have been obsessed with my apartment is an understatement. It has been my cloud haven above the chaos of our beautiful city, where I have been awed by breathe taking sunsets and gotten strangely obsessed with clouds. 

My twenty-something self grew up here. I entered this space as a girl unsure how to live alone in the city. I had no church community but the blessing of tons of really wonderful girlfriends. My place has been more than an apartment but has become a visual embodiment symbolizing this whole period. 

I learned how to live alone.

Filed maintenance requests asking how to turn the shower on. Attempted to cook for myself, then gave up and went to Whole Foods. 

I got ready for dates and tried on countless outfits. Turned up my music and danced around when life was really good. 

I filled vases with flowers. Learned how to make a home. Threw countless parties where we poured champagne and crowded too many people into my little space. 

Hosted my small group every Wednesday, filling jars with popcorn that inevitably ended up all over the carpet. Drank countless cups of tea. 

Watched almost every episode of the Bachelor cuddled up on my coach. Turned up the heat way too high. Stopped whatever I was doing to step outside and watch the sunset. 

I highlighted massive law books and stayed up late at night running flash cards.I cried over my computer when I thought I lost all my Bar Essays after the computer system crashed. 

I cried in the fetal position on my coach when life felt particularly overwhelming. Welcomed in new relationships and said good bye to others. 

Was first kissed by my future husband on a balcony here. Danced with him late at night to the sound of his voice.  

I prayed more dangerous prayers here than I have ever prayed in any space for most of my life. Prayed for angels to come into my space. I prayed for miraculous things to be done here. Prayed for my girls and family. Knelt on my knees and sat in silence with God when I had no idea what to do next. 

When I was graduating from college, I had been crying to someone about how nothing could ever be better than my college years and that person had said "If you do it right, each chapter in life is better than the last." 

This past chapter was the best. God provided for me like I was his favorite daughter- there was hard work, success, sacrifice, dancing, lots of music, wine poured, cupcakes eaten, girl talk, tears, pictures of sunsets, and finally a very handsome dark haired man to close it all out. 

It was the best combination of the hard and the good. 

Soon, I will close out my lease as I entered- a little nervous and hopeful... 

... and like any good reformed sorority girl - with a glass of champagne. 

Here's to you, my little space. You were so good to me.